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“I could have sat in any circle of people and been welcomed in.
I don’t remember the last time I felt so at home, so at ease…”
…remarked a guest at the party I threw this past weekend.
It was pretty epic: Humans, being humans, in real time, in the actual flesh, enjoying excellent company, conversation, music, good food and drink. I worked my butt off for weeks, and it was worth every minute.
At once bizarre, and yet simultaneously so right to come together in one space. Given how things have been this past year, and how things still are in some parts of the world, this gathering was a true blessing.
I called it FULL CIRCLE, the invitation left intentionally cryptic for the simple reason that there were many things to celebrate.
There was a toast given by me to explain why everyone was there; recording it for the many people that I wanted to celebrate and yet couldn’t be here.
I believe it was the first ‘speech’ as such that I’ve ever given sober. The heart rate was there in that thing I used to call nervousness, and yet it was seen, held, and I spoke anyway. It dissipated. Some things just had to be said.
I’d made a list, with the intention of keeping the toast tight and specific (my nervousness historically had me going off on ALL SORTS of tangents) — I came up with 5 key reasons:
I also didn’t expect that everyone who came would have such a heartfelt good time, or feel so welcome. Regardless of age, race, background or social ‘status’, we all mingled: what a joy, and the truest potential for all of us as humans.
Giving a speech, throwing a party in my home, cooking 5 main dishes for the buffet, organising the invitations and all the other details (yes I do get quite OCD when it comes to events and design) was not something I thought I would get to do, and flow with it. Just the thought of it used to make me panic…HARD. I had a lot of support, as I always have done, but at this point in my life, something is different…
I’m not afraid to be still with my self, nor confront my fears;
I’m not in resistance to my own potential;
I know what’s possible in continuing the ‘work’ on my self;
I’m able to recognise when I have an expectation on reality, or on someone else;
I also know how to process that expectation so that both reality, and other people can show up, just as they are.
I have no fear in telling another person that I love them — nor in showing them**;
Because I figured out how to be deeply in love within my own skin, with my own being.
** And that is fucking massive after decades of struggling myself.
With gratitude, as always,
Nathan. X
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