Five years, alcohol-free: Learning to live in truth and clarity in order to locate love on the inside.
Naked truths on surrender. 

It would bypass the whole truth to say that it’s been peace, love, namaste and enlightenment since leaving London in 2016. 

Doing ‘the work’ has been WORK — Graft and grit has been constant, and sacrifice a prevailing theme.

In the hazed confusion of this moment five years ago, one thing was abundantly clear – my relationship with the external world and those around me was less than optimal. 

Giving up booze turned out to be only the first thing to go, in my quest for the truth and for clarity. 

Nothing was never enough. 

Never enough success. Never enough speed. Never enough focus. Never enough fun. Never enough food. Never enough to drink. Never enough recognition. 

Never enough love. 

Never enough. 

Nothing ever could be enough. 

I was never enough. 

It wasn’t until I stopped kidding myself, giving myself any and all distraction in order to avoid taking a look at myself, that things could start to shift.

Ups still happen, as do downs: This is a part of life’s ebb and flow. 

The difference that’s made the difference is in not being defined by these ups and downs — remaining unattached to any outcome. 

The moment we have an expectation on how reality should show up, guess what? 

It rarely will. 

The world around us simply cannot unfold precisely according to our own internal map and wiring: 

With any attachment or expectation, disappointment reigns supreme. 

If this is our relationship with reality, guess how the relationship with those around us will likely be? 

One of disappointment. And that, my loves, is what one might call truly f***edup.

Did you know that you have an internal world, a unique way of seeing your environment? That will never be identical to the next person.  

Are you ever asking yourself questions like ‘why is it never enough,’ ‘why am I so exhausted,’ ‘why does this person/situation trigger me so much’, ‘why am I constantly distracted’? 

You may or may not be ready to hear this:

The answers to these questions lay inside of you. 

It may seem flippant, or even woo-woo for me to say ‘just take a look inside of yourself’. It may also sound like the truth to you, and you simply don’t know how or where to begin. 

**Notice either of these responses.** 

Becoming objective (Factual. Granular. Specific.) to your subjective (Created. Pre-programmed. Fictional.) experience is step one. 

So ask yourself this – what are you subjecting yourself to, on a daily basis?

If we could all see ourselves and our reality with total objectivity, we would simply surrender. 

From someone who has surrendered, please give me permission to tell you how powerful it is. 

No amount of success, speed, focus, fun, food, drink, recognition will ever be enough. 

**Until we’ve had enough…of not having enough.**

The newest layer to come off over here is one that sees me holding back, not wanting to shine or speak openly about what I do. 

Well in the words of my dearest friend, The Oracle: ‘fuck that noise’… Working toward alleviating the suffering going on around the world is way more important than that old story.

If you have a sense that you’ve had enough of how how your life has been going til now, have questions for the world or yourself, or just plain curiosity, then sign up for my newsletter (link below):

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To your unfolding,
X Nathan

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