So here is where my diary begins. It is very (VERY) early on 1st October 2017. I am typing this first blog post on-board a flight to NYC, the first stop on a full lap around the world in search of warmth, teachings and forward movement.
It was said by His Holiness the Dalai Lama that you should ‘judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it’. As this diary is intended to be an honest reflection of me, my life and my experiences, I will start in the vein of a most important truth. In order to have this new beginning, I have had to say farewell to many people, activities, habits and thought patterns.
I am in a process of learning to redirect the pain of saying goodbye into an energy that focuses on self-improvement. With absolute humility I would like to say thank you to my family, friends, peers, colleagues and clients that have supported me on my path so far. Thank you for gently encouraging me in the direction that I’ve wanted to take. Thank you for letting me know in multiple ways that it is, in fact, all going to be ok. Thank you for freeing me to explore this world.
I’ve been fortunate enough to see that I am able to make this change of direction at a time in my life when it is possible. Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I lived my life with unabashed energy, always throwing myself fully into everything I did. I had a successful business and a full social life. I raced full distance triathlons and developed property. I had so many amazing ups, however these were often swiftly followed by some pretty gruelling downs.
Of course living in the west I got very good at covering up these low points: Is it not natural to only show your highlights to the world via dinner parties, work events, birthday parties, social media and so on? I felt somehow groomed into believing this to be the case, the pressure of being perfect quite literally cooking me inside. There simply wasn’t room for lowlights, or for brut honesty that things were not in fact, always perfect.
The need that modern life places on us for constant perfection made me afraid to show the world the real me. This most powerful word – fear – became my paralysis, and one that kept me thinking I needed to continue on a path that simply wasn’t working. I believed I was looking after my health, and in doing so I allowed those around me to believe I was too. I had an ugly truth that I suppressed for too long – I simply wasn’t truly healthy. The lack of honesty in my life ate away at me. I often vacillated between knowing this and ignoring this.
I don’t remember a specific moment that made me wake up. I do know that in the process of learning to see myself clearly, the thing that became increasingly obvious was that I didn’t really know myself at all. So I set about getting to know the real me. I packed my little backpack and off I went to India. I pretty much vanished from my previous life.
I found peace in the fact that those closest to me supported this journey immediately. I would like to note here that there were one or two people that offered a very specific (and somewhat patronizing) head tilt along with the words ‘oh, you’re going to “find yourself” are you?’ (the speech marks were often made with the index and middle fingers of both hands). To these people I want to say my biggest thank you. You made me smile at the time of doing this, and you strongly encouraged me to write this blog. The fear of what we don’t know or haven’t done makes us judge too easily. I want to explain my journey from my heart, and in doing so I hope I can help other people find their own peace and honesty.
I believe that in a time of great conflict in the world we are being wrongly trained to be afraid of each other, to recognise the differences between us all. White .vs. black, Asian .vs. Caucasian, Christian .vs. Jew, Muslim .vs. Atheist, blond .vs. brunette, straight .vs. gay .vs. bi (and now maybe tri?), conservative .vs. liberal, the list seems almost infinite. Instead of celebrating the similarities between us, we easily adopt an inherent fear of that, or those, which we do not know.
This blog is written to raise awareness of two principles that bind us all. Firstly, every human being on this planet (in fact every living creature) is looking for peace and happiness, regardless of whether they know it or not yet. Secondly, we are all on the same path of living that results in death. I hope these two principles shine through all my words and that simply means to live contently in the present.
My diary will be written both in the present and the past, as I use a range of real-life experiences to share the honesty and truth that I found within them. Now that I have been on this path for a short while, I now understand that self reflection is in fact a constant process and one that should never be abandoned. I intend to say every word with good intent for better, and with my hand on my heart.
The pledge I have made to my new life is simple. I will live my life authentically, and experience every moment like it’s my last, trying to help other people in anyway I know can.
If my words resonate with you so far, then I hope this blog can be of service to you. If you don’t understand me, then perhaps this blog isn’t for you – but then again, maybe it is precisely what you should be reading…either way, I am not afraid of being me anymore.